What If
by andsoshewrites
Summary: What if Ben had lived? JDCox. Sort of AU.
1. My Screw Up

**Title**: What If

**Chapter**: 1/? My Screw up

**Rating:** PG

**Pairing: **Jonathon and Percival [Eventually

**Summary: **What if Ben had lived?

**Warnings:** None now.

**Disclaimer**: Scrubs and its characters do not belong to me. This is strictly for my own entertainment.

**Author's Notes:** Chyeah. More than one chapter! So this one's kinda boring, but it'll get better. Hopefully.

Jordan walked up to Perry, shoving her hand out.

Perry looked at the hand, then Jordan. "Aren't you going to do a trick first?"

"Alright. This one's called 'Everyone Loses Respect for Perry Cox While I Publicly Describe Our Sex Life'."

Perry reached into his pocket and put a few twenties in the outstretched hand. "Do I get to know what I'm funding?"

She put the money in her pocket. "Pretend it's for your kids." She walked away with a smile.

Perry groaned and closed his eyes. He was happy, wasn't he? Two kids, Jordan. His family.

"Dr. Cox, look out!" Perry looked over and saw JD rolling towards him, loosing control on what looked like a pair of sneakers. Before he could move, JD had already collided with him.

But JD wasn't going fast, so Perry stood his ground, only stumbling back a step.

JD had his hands on Perry shoulder, Perry had his hands on JD's scrubs to keep him from falling.

There was a moment where Perry felt his breath caught. He quickly looked away.

"You're like a solid wall of muscle!" JD proclaimed, finding his balance.

_What?_

"What the hell are you doing Newbie?" Perry snarled, letting go of JD.

"I was trying out my new Heelys that Kim got for me" JD found support on the wall beside him.

"Move Newbie, this is a hospital." Perry pushed JD slightly, then watched him fall. "Pathetic."

"Honey, I'm home," JD called out as he opened the door to his apartment.

"Hey JD," Kim smiled, holding a small child in her arms.

"Oh," JD started, sounding surprised, "I thought you had a doctor's appointment." He kissed Kim's cheek.

"Then who's Honey?" she asked.

"Turk said he'd be here."

"Oh." And Kim smiled. "So, how was work?"

JD took his child from Kim. "Good, but I couldn't figure out how to work my Heelys. And Dr. Cox was in an extra pissy mood."

"Dr. Cox is always in an extra pissy mood," Kim offered. JD sat on the couch with a pout.

"It's been almost seven years and he still treats me like it's day one," JD tilted his head, "But I know he cares about me. I'll get that hug."

Kim sat down next to him. "I used to think your obsession with him was unhealthy, but it was quickly cast aside when I saw how close you and Turk are." She laughed, and the baby started to cry. "But still, you named our baby after him."

JD smiled and took Sam Perry Gilligan Dorian from Kim. "I just like the name"

"Uh-huh."

His life was perfect.

So why didn't he feel happy?

_About four years prior._

"So, is their brother Ben coming to this thing too?" JD asked Perry, walking in the hospital parking lot.

"Oh yeah," Perry started, "He always has to make some grand entrance, then he just winds up getting depressed afterwards."

As they stop next to a car, JD asked, "Why is that?"

And Ben jumped down onto the hood of the car. JD screamed, falling into a bush. The rest unimpressed.

"'Cause he never surprised us," Perry answered.

"Even a little bit?" Ben almost pouted, sitting on the hoot of the car.

Perry, Jordan, and Danni replied with a bored, "No."

Ben then just took pictures of JD, still in the bush.

"I'm a prickly pear," Ben giggled in a strange voice, holding a picture of JD in the thorny bush.

"Can I see that for one second?" JD took the photo from Ben, "Thanks." He then attempted to rip the little photo, very unsuccessfully. Hey, it was harder than it looked.

"Not a strong moment for you, Polly," The familiar voice of Dr. Cox said.

"I need to get it started first."

Perry switched his attention over to Ben "So, you still doing the whole kooky guy who brings his camera everywhere thing?"

Ben slid over to his best friend and held the camera up.

"Till the day I die."

They both smiled as the camera flashed.

"You know something," Ben started, "You have slept with both of my sisters. That means you and I something in common."

JD laughed. Perry and Ben did not. Things quickly became awkward.

"I have to get going." And JD left.

And when he was out of ear shot, Ben turned to Perry. "Too weird?"

"Nahh." When they walked into the lobby, he continued, "What's weird is that it's taken my best friend so long to come and see my son. I mean you get diagnosed with leukemia and then you disappear for two years. What is that about?"

"Well, it went into remission and I wanted to see the world in all its splendor and  
glory."

"How'd that go for you?" They stopped at elevators, no one else around.

Ben shrugged in response. "Ehh. Got some good pictures though. Here, check it out." He pulled a few pictures from his pocket. "Look, Here's me at the Great Wall of China," it looked to be just a picture of himself taken in front of what might have been a hospital window. "This is me at the pyramids," with the same nothingness in the back round. "What is this? Oh yeah, this was you and me, like eight seconds ago."

Perry interrupted. "So Jordon tells me that while you were on your 'World Leukemia Tour', you neglected to visit a single doctor, medicine man, or scary shaman with the giant saucers in his ears," his voice turned to that of a whisper, "Psst, Ben, turns out cancer's the kind of ailment that you occasionally want to check up on."

"Fine, I'll get the exam."

"Tell you what," Perry started, "I missed the hell out of you. I did."

Ben smiled softly. "Thanks Perry. I missed you too."

And they looked at each other, the space between them diminishing, their lips only inches apart.

Perry turned away right before their mouths met. "Damn!" he laughed.

Ben raised his arms in triumph. "Yeah! I am the king of gay chicken!"

"Ah Newbie, perfect timing." Perry started, handing a file over to JD, " I have to run a hundred fifty dollars down to the police station 'cause Mr. Jinkies the Juggler, who Jordon just has to have to for Jack's birthday party, just got a DUI.

Ben raised his fist in praise to Mr. Jinkies. "Yeah!"

"Only me. Long story short, your new job is to take young Ben here by the hand and run every hematological screening test that we have."

Ben held his hand out for JD, a goofy grin on his face.

"Dr. Cox I can't. I'm already covering for Doug. He's on a His-and-Her-Spa-Day with his mom," JD explained.

"What?!" Ben and Perry asked in unison.

"Don't ask. The point is, I'm swamped," his voice turned to that of a whisper, "And I'm a little worried about Mr. Taylor here"

Mr. Taylor waved to the three men. They smiled and waved back. Ben took a picture.

"For the life of me, I can't figure out his irregular heartbeat."

"I already looked at his EKG, Newbie, and trust me. He's not going to die in the next thirty minutes. Now, goooo!"

"I'm sorry Madeline. I hope we didn't wake you. It's just that I have fifty  
patients and I," JD's pager went off, and he looked at it.

"That's a code."

"What's the matter with you there Sheila? You look like Maybelline just went belly up."

"Twenty minutes after you left he went into cardiac arrest."

Perry felt like someone was tearing his heart from his chest. He couldn't believe it.

"_We tried to resuscitate him, but there was nothing we could do."_

_He grabbed the chart from JD. "This shouldn't have happened. Kid screwed up."_

"Twenty minutes after you left he went into cardiac arrest."

Perry felt like someone was tearing his heart from his chest. He couldn't believe it.

"He's okay though, we used the AED to resuscitate him."

He let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I ordered the medication for him and-"

Perry made his way to Ben, done listing to JD.

all credit for that line goes to neek-love on LJ


	2. My Butterflies

The peri-arrest period was tough for everyone, but surprisingly enough Ben made it through.

"I scheduled an appointment to check up on your leukemia for once a month for the next year," Jordan started.

"And if you don't show up I will hunt you down and make sure Kaeleigh here is your doctor."

Ben looked up from his new Tonka truck. "Is that a threat? Because I like JD."

JD smiled brightly. _He likes me!_

"And he's a good doctor," Ben finished.

_He thinks I'm a good doctor!_

Perry growled. "Why do I even try?" He left with a grunt.

Ben smiled. "That got him off my back."

"This is serious, Ben. You would've died if DJ was having a normal day. Or if Carla wasn't your nurse."

Ben pouted. "I know mommy."

Jordan then, too, left with a grunt.

JD still wore a smile. "So, do you really think I'm a good doctor?"

Ben shrugged. "Is this Tonka truck red?"

JD pouted. "No, it's yellow."

"Huh, you're right," Ben looked around. "Tell you what, you get me my camera back from whichever of the overprotective crazies that has it, and when I'm out of this hospital bed I'll take you out for thank-you beer."

"Just for getting your camera?"

Ben was silent for a bit. "Sure."

---

Needless to say, Jack's birthday party never happened and Ben highly expected to be yelled at for it. But he never was.

"I'm sorry I ruined Jack's party."

"Shut up, you're life's more important than a stupid party no one cares about. I'm just glad I didn't have to go to your funeral instead." Perry, sitting in a chair, head propped up from his arm on the table, took a gulp from the dirt water pretending to be coffee.

Ben put an arm through a denim jacket. "My funeral. Weird to think about it. I can see you going through a downward spiral of denial, blaming everyone," he smiled, "You'd miss me so much." He slid in the other arm.

"You're damn right I would." Perry stood up, running a hand over his tired face.

Ben took a picture with his camera. "Oh, that's a good one."

"Doctor Cox?" JD stepped into the room, "about Mr. Strauss,"

"Look Carol, I know you think you look dashing in your navy blue scrubs, but I can not deal with you popping your feminine little head in where ever I am thinking that I actually _care_ what you have to say. Just to clear things up, I don't Newbie."

"But I just-"

"Leave. Now."

JD left, just a bit more sullen.

Ben raised his hand.

"Yes Ben?" Perry crossed his arms.

"What did JD looking 'dashing in his navy blue scrubs' have to do with anything?" Perry's post-rant smirk faded. "I mean, that was a borderline Cox complement."

Perry's mind raced to find an answer that disproved Ben's thinking. Why was it taking so long?

"It's quite simple, Benjamin, for if Ilse didn't think she looked even remotely 'dashing' she wouldn't have the self confidence to show herself where ever I happen to be."

The obnoxious ring of his pager interrupted Ben's response.

---

Vitals dropped, CPR, flat line, AED, time of death.

"How did this happen? Mr. Strauss was fine," JD muttered as he watched the coroner take the body to the medical examiner.

"We missed something Newbie." It was rare to hear anything like that pass Perry's lip. "Only the autopsy will tell." And he left to move on with his life, possibilities of Mr. Strauss's death listing in the back of his mind.

But JD didn't move. He just stared at the bed, hoping that it wasn't something obvious.

That it wasn't his fault.

And no matter what the cause was, JD knew that he'd still blame himself. Because doctors are supposed to know what's wrong with someone. That's their job. It seemed to him that when something like this happened, he wasn't doing his job.

The only thing that made JD take his eyes off the empty white bed was the knowledge that he had other patients that he could help.

"Sorry!" Elliot shrieked as she pushed JD out of her way when he stepped out of the room. JD noticed a pink stuffed dog under one arm.

_That's not mine, is it? _He thought, getting back to his normal self. Just like always.

---

The events of the day had made JD reconsider going to the bar, but it was a once in a lifetime change to be invited to hang out with Ben and Dr. Cox (and not have to be a chauffer). For Ben had kept his promise, and JD was going to show up.

The night was nothing special. JD sat and sipped at the beers Ben paid for, watching Perry drink too much scotch and Ben play pool with a few girls he had never met.

"Hey JD," a slurred voice muttered behind him. JD turned around from the bar, and looked at Perry's red eyes. "Don't worry about Mr. Strauss." He sat down and drunkenly slung an arm over JD's shoulders.

For some reason JD found himself holding his breath. "Sometimes you can't help everyone."

JD nodded, looking away from Perry's too close face, ignoring the sudden burst of butterflies in his stomach.

The alcohol induced lingering of Perry's arms over JD's shoulder made him take and awkward gulp of the now lukewarm beer.

_It's the alcohol. _JD was referring to both the out-of-character arm of his shoulder, and the ridiculous butterflies in his stomach.

And the disappointment that for some reason over took him when Perry finally stood up.

"Looks like it's time to take you home," Ben said in a motherly tone, taking Perry by the arm. "See ya JD." He left after putting a five dollar bill on the bar next to JD's beer.

JD couldn't help but think of Mr. Strauss and if his death really was out of JD's hands. If fate had killed him and not a mistake by a doctor.

Fate.

How much could he control? Could he control the length of a life, or even the high school-like uneasiness of his stomach. He could control his actions, but could he control his feelings? JD was inclined to think fate had less control than most thought.

He finished off the glass, and went home.


End file.
